Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wasted Ideology: A Quiz

A quick, fun quiz for all you funheads out there.

Think of the person you love most in the entire world (other than yourself).  Now, imagine a situation, I don't care what it is, I am drunk, and I hate you, so imagine a situation in which you could literally achieve complete and total justice, peace, happiness, on all the Earth for every man, woman, child and mollusk, instantly.  Do you end climate change? You end climate change.  Do you end oppression, suffering, poverty and Muammar Gaddafi's life? Yes. All these things are achieved, perfect and total utopia, but to achieve it, you have to do one thing. You have to close your fingers around the throat of the person you're still thinking of, the one you love the most in the world, and strangle the life out of them.  Do you do it?

Correct answers after the jump!

If you answered the question, you failed.  "But you told me it was hypothetical!"  Nope, I just told you to imagine a situation in which you could achieve all those things instantly, merely by destroying the person you love.  And you did so.  And then you immediately started backing it up with some bullshit emotio-political nonsense.  Because you are a raging, unabashed, bourgeois narcissist who fantasizes about killing his loved ones to save the world, who believes that, somehow, in some hypothetical world, this could happen. Because you allowed the question to make you feel the pleasure of killing the only person you suspect might be competing with you for most important person of your life, while still being the tragic hero of the entire world. Because you believe nothing is more noble and important than sacrificing someone else to achieve personal salvation.

But that's not even the real problem.  The problem is that you will always follow instructions if you are told it is a game.  You will always believe something as long as it is phrased as a question.  The sophists called it poisoning the well.  "No, but really, just imagine it's possible."  Sorry, but the impossible is real.  Which does not mean you can achieve the impossible, but the exact opposite. If you are willing to enter the world of a hypothetical question, you accept its premise and in so doing affirm your belief in its ideology.

If someone asks you this question, the minimum correct answer is slapping them across the mouth.

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