Feel like you're probably against Capitalism, but not really sure which ideological subject position most thoroughly matches your brand? Don't worry! We here at Wasted Ideology Inc™ know a thing or two about matching wayward comrades with their hyper-specific leftist worldview of choice. Just read the following strategic guidelines out loud, and discover which one feels most genuine in your mouth! We can do this together!
Democratic Socialist: "Can't we just be calm and reasonable and talk this thing over?"
Pacifist/Non-Violence Ideologue: "We're using the power of our bodies and our silence to speak truth to power, so sit down and shut up!"
Socialist (unaffiliated): "The only real struggle that can lead to victory is in the labor movement, under the leadership of a unified socialist Party!"
Socialist (affiliated): "The only real struggle that can lead to victory is in the labor movement, under the leadership of a unified socialist Party! That's why we divided, in the infamous Madison conference debacle, I'm sure you know all about it but just in case...""
Trotskyist (unaffiliated): "The working class must be made stronger by a wise Party leadership! One that is accountable to the higher up members of said party, assuming of course control by majority except in extraordinary circumstances..."
Trotskyist (affiliated): "The front organization meeting went great! All seven of our speakers were applauded and we sold 3 papers."
Leninist: "We must all unify! Forward comrades! Fall in rank behind us! We'll deal with all you counter-revolutionary deviationist scum after victory!"
Stalinist: "Defend Mubarak, Assad, Gaddafi, and other socialist leaders from Western imperialism!"
Maoist: "Sacrifice, discipline, a total devotion to the cause! Give yourself entirely to the struggle! All struggles are one struggle!"
Accelerationist: "We must speed up the future to enhance the contradictions. We must all become Jamie Dimon!"
Communization: "The immanent materialization of the international proletariat will also be the moment of its abolishment!"
Occupier/Horizontalism Fetishist: "This incredibly boring General Assembly prefigures a world entirely organized by impossibly boring General Assemblies!"
Anarcho-Syndaclist: "One big union! All control to the workers! Only from the workers' councils will we find freedom!"
Post-structuralist Anarchist: "Only in the upending of our subjectivities through lines of total desire will the conditions of possibility for actual unification/disunification emerge!"
Tiqqunist/Insurrectionary Anarchist: "The willing of our individuation into myriad opacities will achieve victory in the totalizing pleasures of the riot!"
Individualist Anarchist: "Let's fuck shit up!"
Nihilist Anarchist: "This skyline will look so beautiful on fire."
We hope this simple guide will help you make up your mind. Of course, we're leaving out a lot of subject positions. Please leave your favorites in the comments!